B-Town Undercover:My “Tummie” Ain’t So “Yummie”
While conducting “research” in B-Town, I discovered a brand new boutique: “Howard and Marge,” owned by Robin Dunkle and named after her much-loved grandparents.
Conveniently located next door to the Seahurst Post Office, “Howard and Marge” offers contemporary clothing for women, men, children and the occasional local humorist.
Robin owned and operated various clothing lines in her pre-40 days (her words not mine…I swear). Having an itch to start something new, Robin made offers on various retail properties in B-Town in the hopes of opening a store. She located a property for rent immediately next to the ONLY post office that I frequent in Seahurst.
Coincidence? I think not.
Robin completely transformed the annex to the post office; bright, cheery interiors belie the small square footage. If your preference runs along the line of elastic waist pants…shop somewhere else, but let me tell you about what struck my fancy: after perusing the Republic denim, I came upon a suspicious-slim appearing tank top. The weave was tight ‘and yet,’ the fabric was supple. Hmm, perhaps this was just the thing for my ever-growing muffin-tops. This would defiantly refresh my girlish figure.
Robin described her best selling top, which was called (brace yourself) “The Yummie Tummie.”
Never one to bother with trying things on, I asked her to ring up my “yummie” new tank top.
Robin: “Excuse me, Underwood-Undercover, don’t you want to try your Yummie Tummie tank top on?”
U.U.: “No, thank you, it will be fine.”
Robin: “Well, with your coat and sweater on, it is hard for me to tell if it will fit you, maybe you should to try it on.”
Her comments rained on deaf ears; I quickly paid for my new top and raced home. I could not wait to see if my purchase would actually ‘secretly slim my mid section,’ as the advert read.
A lot of grunting and groaning was heard from the recesses of my boudoir. Insane thoughts raced through my head:
- Why the heck didn’t I try this on earlier, and what size was this anyway?
- Perhaps the size was mismarked!
- Now that I had it on, how was I going to get it off?!
- Was I permanently entombed in my Yummie Tummie?
- And why did I look like the Michelin Man???
Drastic measures had to be taken.
I sheepishly exchanged my Yummie for the next size up and encouraged Robin to force everyone, no matter how defiant they were, to try on their Yummies too, just to make sure they worked on their Tummies (I know, I’m getting sick of these words too…but hang on to your Tummie, as this column’s almost over…).
She kindly refrained from answering me, only giving me a slight nod.
So, do you need a Yummie Tummie? Yeah, who doesn’t need to camouflage lumps, bumps and hangage. Now that I have the correct size, I look forward to Yummie Tummie expanding their line to include; Lithesome Legs or something equally as fetching, like Fit Butt.
See Robin for your very own Yummie Tummie at:
Howard and Marge
2118 S.W. 152nd (next to the Seahurst Post Office)
Just be sure to try it on first!
Twenty-five years of living in Burien gives Humorist Shawn Underwood much fodder for her writings.
All of her stories are true, or at least have a grain of truth with no added embellishments. Or something like that.
Read more of her humor at her website here.