B-Town Undercover: Coffeeless In B-Town

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by Shawn Underwood

The month of May is over and as usual, we remain sunless in Seattle. We had one sunny day on the third Saturday in May but I was out of town. Of course, no place on earth equals a sunny warm day in Seattle…well, at least not a location that I have been to.

And last weekend – it snowed.  Yes – SNOWED!

On Sunday, my husband and I awoke just in time to attend our church of choice – Saint Starbucks Of Normandy Park.

A long time ago my daughter tried to convert us to her church, one of those strange ones with one of those weird pointy thingys on top (she once told me that it’s called a “steeple” but that word just doesn’t sound right), but the coffee at the church with the “steeple” (what a weird word…try saying it over and over and over again and you’ll get it) was…well frankly, it was bad.

So we continued to pray over the New York Times Sunday edition at St. Starbucks while she prayed at the church with the “steeple” (see what I mean?!) concurrently.

After we entered the St. Starbuck’s parking lot, a sinking feeling permeated my gut like a cup of stale Folger’s from 1964. Cars were parked on the sidewalk; there were lines out the door, and our favorite chairs were occupied. I realized that even the tried-and-true technique of the “hover and look pathetic” (which I had long-since perfected) was not going to work.

Disappointed but resilient, we drove to the second St. Starbucks; this was better anyway, as there was a fireplace and it was freakin’ snowing outside. After parking the car far away and running through the blizzard, frustration reigned supreme – this place of caffeine worship was bursting at the seams, there was “no room at the inn” or something like that that they sometimes say in those places with the “steeples” (now it’s starting to look weird as well as sound weird!).  I saw that my husband was ready to give up the ghost. However, I was made of made of sterner stuff and of course it didn’t hurt that I also was beginning to acquire the dreaded caffeine headache.

Putting on our chains (not really, but it was freakin’ snowing in mid May for God’s sake!) we slid our way to the third and final St. Starbucks in the Burien area. You guessed it, all seats occupied – no coffee for you, go home and make your own coffee for cryin’ out loud and quit with the hovering technique.

The double tall foam with extra saliva slather dripping from my mouth was not helping either.

On the way home we came up with a novel idea: let’s go to the locally-owned coffee shop 909 Coffee and Wine. We should have gone there in the first place – the coffee was a thousand times better and the waiters actually “serve you.”

However, I was there for breakfast the day before and I didn’t want them to think that I had nothing to do but drink coffee. As if…

We sat by the window and enjoyed the bad weather from a view seat while being served our coffee and hot pastry.

So when you encounter a blizzard in May, or some other weather anomaly, make a beeline for Coffee and Wine at the 909.  Trish, Natalie or Corey await with smiles and steaming coffee, complete with lovely artistic foam designs, none of which resemble a “steeple.”

Save the “hover and look pathetic” technique for St. Starbucks.

Shawn UnderwoodTwenty-five years of living in Burien gives Humorist Shawn Underwood much fodder for her writings.

All of her stories are true, or at least have a grain of truth with no added embellishments.

Or something like that.

Read more of her humor at her website here.

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