B-Town Undercover: Will Seven Jeans Catch B-Town Betty?
My newly single friend says that in order to catch the attention of a â€œB-Town Bettyâ€ (his slang for an attractive local female, sort of on par with “hottie”), one must â€œdressâ€ the part of cool single guy to hang with his homies.
His watering hole of choice is the The Tin Room, where locals congregate after/before dinner for a look-see.
Visions of Steve Martinâ€™s, â€œIâ€™m a wild and crazy guy,â€ pop into my head. However, my single friend says the â€œwild and crazy guyâ€ persona does not suit him.
â€œWhat kind of â€œB-Town Bettyâ€ are you looking for?â€ I ask him. How about an â€œUgly Bettyâ€ with a winning personality?
He says, â€œan upscale well-groomed gal that appreciates a pair of designer Seven Jeans.â€
The chick-magnet jeans â€œfor all mankindâ€ apparently have the distinct ability to make certain women weak in the knees. Hmmm, doesnâ€™t it matter who is sporting the designer duds? Note to self: Do not make eye contact with men wearing Seven Jeans.
My son has a pair of Sevens but he is 18 and his hang halfway down his badonkadonk. Somehow, I canâ€™t picture a 40- something guy doing the wide legged shuffle required to keep the sloppy jeans intact on oneâ€™s hips. Perhaps elastic gathers in the back of the â€œentire-weeks-grocery billâ€ jeans would help.
Simply buying the pants to actually fit can even be dicey though. Imagine Seven jeans as snug as a codpiece, sort of an updated Tom Jones look. You remember him right? The Welsh pop singer popular in the mid-60s, noted for his powerful voice and female swooning hip-thrusts. Women deliriously threw their underwear at him with each pelvic gyration on stage.
Or at least that what he’s hoping for.
Frankly I think my friendâ€™s old look â€“ trusty 501 jeans, topped with a Sears wool plaid vest â€“ constituted perfectly suitable attire.
If you are going to a grange hall dance.
However, he would have to trade in his â€œ501â€™sâ€ for Wrangler jeans, because everyone knows thatâ€™s what you wear to a grange hall dance.
Although apparently not in Burien when shopping for a date.
Twenty-five years of living in Burien gives Humorist Shawn Underwood much fodder for her writings.
All of her stories are true, or at least have a grain of truth with no added embellishments.
Or something like that.
Read more of her humor at her website here.