B-Town Undercover: Will Seven Jeans Catch B-Town Betty?

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by Shawn Underwood

My newly single friend says that in order to catch the attention of a “B-Town Betty” (his slang for an attractive local female, sort of on par with “hottie”), one must “dress” the part of cool single guy to hang with his homies.

His watering hole of choice is the The Tin Room, where locals congregate after/before dinner for a look-see.

Visions of Steve Martin’s, “I’m a wild and crazy guy,” pop into my head. However, my single friend says the “wild and crazy guy” persona does not suit him.

“What kind of “B-Town Betty” are you looking for?” I ask him. How about an “Ugly Betty” with a winning personality?

He says, “an upscale well-groomed gal that appreciates a pair of designer Seven Jeans.”

Can these jeans help land a 'B-Town Betty'?

The chick-magnet jeans “for all mankind” apparently have the distinct ability to make certain women weak in the knees. Hmmm, doesn’t it matter who is sporting the designer duds? Note to self: Do not make eye contact with men wearing Seven Jeans.

My son has a pair of Sevens but he is 18 and his hang halfway down his badonkadonk. Somehow, I can’t picture a 40- something guy doing the wide legged shuffle required to keep the sloppy jeans intact on one’s hips. Perhaps elastic gathers in the back of the “entire-weeks-grocery bill” jeans would help.

...or will a Betty get lost in the cracks?

Simply buying the pants to actually fit can even be dicey though. Imagine Seven jeans as snug as a codpiece, sort of an updated Tom Jones look. You remember him right? The Welsh pop singer popular in the mid-60s, noted for his powerful voice and female swooning hip-thrusts. Women deliriously threw their underwear at him with each pelvic gyration on stage.

Or at least that what he’s hoping for.

Frankly I think my friend’s old look – trusty 501 jeans, topped with a Sears wool plaid vest – constituted perfectly suitable attire.

If you are going to a grange hall dance.

However, he would have to trade in his “501’s” for Wrangler jeans, because everyone knows that’s what you wear to a grange hall dance.

Although apparently not in Burien when shopping for a date.

Twenty-five years of living in Burien gives Humorist Shawn Underwood much fodder for her writings.

All of her stories are true, or at least have a grain of truth with no added embellishments.

Or something like that.

Read more of her humor at her website here.

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