City Of Burien To Impose 20% Tax On All Internet Use

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BREAKING NEWS: In an emergency afternoon session, the Burien City Council voted today to impose a 20 percent internet tax on all users within the city boundaries.

“With the downturn in the economy we are continually looking for alternative sources of income,” said a city official via email. “We can’t install any more red light cameras now, and since most of our residents just sit in their double-wides surfing the internet, we thought this could be a great source of additional revenue.”

While discussions of increased sales tax, gas tax and coffee tax were all discussed, the internet was the resounding favorite for most widespread usage in the community.

“We know this may be shocking to some residents, which is why we decided to not implement our 35 percent tax on cell phone use in the city until late May 2009,” said another official, this time via Twitter.

Burien residents will see the new internet tax on their next statement from their internet provider. The tax will vary for users depending on their frequency of use and local relevance of websites they view.

One rather unusual aspect of this new tax is that, effective Monday, April 8th, all previously-free internet-connected computers at area libraries will function only via $2 bills inserted into newly-installed money slots. For $2, users will receive eight minutes of website use.

Percentages of tax increase will range from 5%-20%, with more locally-relevant websites like The B-Town Blog resulting in a 17.9% tax for all Readers. On the low end of the scale, where Readers can actually earn tax revenue for “reading” will be websites lacking in any local relevance, such as this one.

“On the bright side, some internet users may actually make money for reading locally-irrelevant websites chock full of old news, typographical errors, and mid-90s style web layout,” stated another official on her Facebook page.

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