EXCLUSIVE:B-Town Blog Interviews Laser-Pointing Culprit
EXCLUSIVE: This morning (April 1st) The B-Town Blog met and interviewed an unidentified male who claims responsibility for the spate of recent, unsolved laser-airplane incidents we’ve reported on in the area northwest of Sea-Tac Airport.
Below is a transcript of our brief and somewhat strange encounter with an area man who wanted to be called “Floyd.”
We met him in a garage not far from where the incidents occurred. He was working on an inflatable, remote-controlled helium-filled balloon and listening to some loud 70s progrock when we found him, alone.
BTB: Hello, I’m Scott from The B-Town Blog. Are you Floyd?
FLOYD: Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar (he offered us a cigar, which we politely refused).
BTB: No thanks. What can you tell me Floyd about these laser incidents?
FLOYD: (pulling out a chart of news clippings about him) Everybody else is just green – have you seen the chart? It’s a helluva start, it could be made into a monster, if we all pull together as a team…
BTB: Floyd, did you know it’s a felony to point a laser at an aircraft and it’s punishable under the Patriot Act?
FLOYD: Well I’ve always had a deep respect, and I mean that most sincerely…
BTB: A deep respect for what?
FLOYD: (he then cranked up his boombox, then pulled out a second laser pointer and played a shell game with both, apparently trying to confuse us) The band is just fantastic, that is really what I think. Oh by the way, which one’s pink?
BTB: You’re using a pink laser too? Which one is it? I say it’s in your left hand.
FLOYD NODS AND GRINS AND CONTINUES THE SHELL GAME.
BTB: Can you tell me Floyd why you do this?
FLOYD: I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set, and I think I need a Lear jet.
BTB: Oh-kay. Floyd what’s your reasoning behind these laser incidents?
FLOYD: I’ve always been mad, I know I’ve been mad, like the most of us…very hard to explain why you’re mad, even if you’re not mad…
BTB: Dude, are you off your meds or something? Why do you do this?
FLOYD: We don’t need no education, we don’t need no thought control. No dark sarcasm in the classroom…(yelling at a passing car) Hey! Teachers – leave them kids alone!
BTB: Um, okay. Anything else you want to add?
FLOYD: If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?
At this point, Floyd starting pointing both lasers at an inflatable, pig-shaped helium balloon which had floated out the garage door and escaped.
As Floyd chased the balloon down the alley, we snuck away.