City Will Use Eminent Domain To Turn Three Tree Point Into Nude Beach

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by Robb Patrickson

In a surprise announcement, the Burien City Council voted Thursday to use the controversial “eminent domain” procedure to take over an entire section of SW 172nd on Three Tree Point and turn it into an admission-based Nude Beach with a eco-friendly promenade made of recycled materials.

“We’re done dealing with these dang clothed NIMBYs,” said new Planning Commissioner Jerome E. Glick II, himself a nudist and a recent transplant from Slooflir, PA. “And in this economic downturn, we need another tax revenue stream. That’s why we’re turning this beautiful strip of waterfront into the northwest’s first admission-based Nude Beach. Plus, it’s going to be eco-friendly and very green – what’s not to like?”

New Planning Commissioner Jerome E. Glick II.

Plans were presented in a spontaneous, private city council “special session” that took place in an unmarked upstairs room in city hall late last night. A large satellite photo of the area in question on the wall was marked “Area XXX,” and included censored photos of naked, middle-aged men.

“There’s nothing wrong with a Nude Beach,” said Consultant Lorraine Sieverts, a noted local nudist who’s often seen cavorting at Lake Burien with her German cousins. “I’ve been fighting for this for years, and can say without a shadow of a doubt that if God didn’t want us to be naked, we’d all have been born already fully clothed wearing black turtlenecks. Plus, the promenade will be eco-friendly, and a $10 cover charge will help fill the city’s coffers. What’s not to like?”

Reports are that a general contractor has already been hired, and that bulldozers and other heavy equipment will start demolishing beach houses and garages as early as this weekend.

Planning Commissioner Glick compared this new, eco-friendly nude beach concept to a successful one he helped developed in the mid-1990s at Lake Dingle in Slooflir, PA, which generates well over $2.5 million dollars in annual revenues through admission fees and pay-per-view volleyball matches.

Here’s the map of the new Nude Beach, currently called “Area XXX”:

"Area XXX" shows where Burien's new, fee-based Nude Beach will be located on Three Tree Point.

The city plans to hold a naming contest for the beach, and is asking our Readers to submit nominations by leaving Comments below.

[INTERN EDITOR’S NOTE: We certainly hope all our beloved Readers are enjoying today, April 1, 2010, aka “April Fools’ Day”!]

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10 Responses to “City Will Use Eminent Domain To Turn Three Tree Point Into Nude Beach”
  1. Theresa says:

    Maybe if this generates enough revenue we can get rid of the red light cameras!

  2. napavine says:

    I hope we can get a “good to go pass” on a string. I am not sure how I would carry my wallet to pay the fees. Maybe in the winter it could be named Sack Shrinker Beach. And summer change it to Warm the buns picnic area.

  3. warrenb says:

    LOL first a nude statue, and now…

  4. Jessica says:

    APRIL FOOLS!!! hahahahahaha!

  5. Carrie says:

    “The city plans to hold a naming contest for the beach, and is asking our Readers to submit nominations by leaving Comments below.”

    3 B Point

  6. Michele says:

    better one!

  7. Lee Moyer says:

    O K. your pictures have convinced me that we don’t need more pubic access.

  8. tripC says:

    The local citizens will be excited to know that I am starting a para-sailing venture off of this stretch of beach starting in June.

  9. Really? says:

    Oh the humanity, or I should say, oh the clams! Wouldn’t this be cruel treatment of indigenous shellfish?

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