INTERN’S VIEW: ‘Skyline’: Worst Thing To Happen To Sci-Fi Since ‘Highlander II’
Skyline: Directed By The Brothers Strause; Starring Eric Balfour, Scottie Thompson and Donald Faison.
There are many things that come to mind when I think of this movie. For instance, I usually talk about this film by telling people ‘this is what happens when Uwe Boll and Michael Bay join forces’. Perhaps even if Ed Wood was still alive and had a bigger budget he’d be making something like this; but we all know the truth. Skyline is the worst thing to happen to Sci Fi since Highlander II: The Quickening. Much like that abomination, this is a film that took a potentially interesting premise (Independence Day without the phony baloney patriotism) and completely bungled it. The Brothers Strause are the exact opposite of the Wachowski Brothers of Matrix fame; sure, you could argue that the sequels to The Matrix made us all cringe but at least they didn’t deliberately waste an hour and forty five minutes of my life on something so thinly plotted, the SyFy channel would laugh them out of their offices.
I truly can’t understand this; at what point did these morons think that ANYONE would like this film? I don’t even think I can recommend it to people who are looking for a bad movie to laugh at. Eventually, me and everyone else in the theatre stopped laughing and started to get angry. If somehow The Brothers Strause are able to make any other film after this toxic waste, then they’ll be to Sci Fi what ‘Seltzerberg’ are to spoofs.
Ultimately the story boils down to a bunch of unlikeable yuppies who get caught up in the middle of an alien invasion and die. I’m not joking, that’s the best I can do to recount the plot of this movie. Nothing is ever really known about the aliens, (except for the fact that they rip off War Of The Worlds and that the special effects are terrible) the characters, (besides a few loose traits that get lost in the shuffle) or any military involvement. The punchline on all of the movie going public is that for a film that’s plot has the density of Kleenex, they still manage to have giant inconsistencies. Why for instance, when the aliens first land are the military not immediately present? Was Gomer Pyle on shift that night? For that matter, when the alien ship is distracted by fighter jets, why don’t the protagonists head to the marina they yakked on about for fifteen minutes? Why don’t the aliens ever die? Why are these people so sure that water is the deterrent of the aliens and yet NEVER do anything except wait to be picked off like the cattle they are? Why is Turk from Scrubs in this film? WHY, WHY, WHY?!
It’s not worth it though. Thinking too much about how this film personifies everything wrong with the film medium will cause an aneurysm. If Inception is this year’s groundbreaking masterpiece, then this film is the movie equivalent of a landfill. Don’t even get me started on the actors; was it too much to get people that could act their way out of a wet paper bag? It says a lot when the best actor in your film was Zach Braff’s counterpart for nine seasons. Perhaps if we had a charismatic actor in the film, we could say ‘Yeah it was terrible, but I sense that (insert name here) has a place in B-Movie Fame.’ Instead of a Pierre Kirby type, we’ve got a full cast of Vin Diesel types; mouth breathing scum that you hope will die slowly and painfully.
The biggest middle finger to the audience is the cliffhanger ending though; as if it wasn’t bad enough that Sony Pictures is suing these chuckle heads for impropriety, they leave it on a note of ‘We’ll be back next summer, be sure to fork over more of your hard-earned money on our garbage!’ I can’t tell you how much this upsets me, just like how these two claim to be independent filmmakers. They’re about as independent as The Borg from Star Trek, and that was a collective.
If it wasn’t clear enough, don’t see this movie. Don’t even entertain the notion of seeing this movie. Paying any more money to these slimeballs would just encourage them to make something even worse than this and the only goal I have now is to see them out of work. If people really want to see one of the worst Sci Fi films in years, that’s their loss. Don’t be like them; stay home and rent a good Sci Fi film. Like Dark City for instance; it happens to be my favorite film of all time and god knows even after thinking about this movie, I need to wash it out with the pleasantries of John Murdoch and The Strangers.
Rating: / *****
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Philip Benais is our newest Intern, a 16-year old student at Big Picture High School in SeaTac. He’s an aspiring Writer who loves movies, so we let him write reviews for us.
Read more of his work here.]