Seattle Weekly Mocks Burien’s History, Calls Us The ‘Ultimate Suburb’

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This week The Seattle Weekly is devoting an entire issue to West Seattle, with a small portion focusing on Burien, the history of which they mock, then call the “Ultimate Suburb.”

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Some might look at this and laugh that B-Town is being treated like some sort of ugly red-headed stepchild of West Seattle, but shhhhh…don’t complain, don’t raise a stink! Otherwise you’ll ruin our little secret!]

Mentioned in the article (written by “a longtime freelance contributor” who uses the pseudonym “The Surly Gourmand” – hey, what are you Weekly staffers hiding from anyways?) are historical facts like our founding father’s funny name (Gottlieb Von Boorian, who perhaps should’ve used a pseudonym) and the possibly-mythological tale of the Toonerville Trolley’s derailing due to an overflow of caterpillar guts (hey Highline Historical Society – is this one true or false?).

Tribute is paid to local food outlets like Trader Joe’s, Tortas Locas, Taqueria La Estacion, Hey Paison, Paul’s Da Burger Joint, B-Town Burgers, Australian Pie Company, Yo’s Bistro and Smokey’s Char-Broiled.

Also mentioned are drinking establishments like Elmer’s Pub, The Tin Room, Elliott Bay Brewery and Mick Kelly’s (what, no Hobnobber?!!) .

Some quotes worth noting include:

  • “For such a small city, Burien’s variety of cuisine is amazing.”
  • “The crown jewel in Burien’s empire, though, is its skate park.”
  • “Burien is a great town. The core area along 152nd Street is as charming as a ladybug that knits sweaters, and it’s five minutes from the airport. Interesting restaurants are cheap, tasty, and abundant, and there’s a gigantic new downtown library.”

They’ve also done a pretty groovy graphic that depicts Burien (created by another anonymous staffer called “Stubborn Sideburn“), which we can see already as a t-shirt being sold at the Strawberry Festival next to the I <3 Burien ones:

Surprisingly, no mention (or easy mocking) is made of Burien’s troubled Town Square, which sits empty, lonely as a tumbleweed in the tundra, an easy target for cynical, comedic treatment which we’ll surely focus on during our next April Fool’s issue.

This same Writer also paid homage to Elmer’s Pub in an earlier issue here, worth a read if only to find new appreciation for this classic dive (which is seemingly always decorated for Halloween) and its clever, stiff drinks, most notably the Irish Car Bomb” which we have yet to try.

Read the entire story here.

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8 Responses to “Seattle Weekly Mocks Burien’s History, Calls Us The ‘Ultimate Suburb’”
  1. TcB says:

    Ballard was mocked in the 80’s and 90’s. It doesn’t hurt much. It is a groovy graphic. “Irish car bomb” drinks, while the nomenclature is not completely PC, are very tasty but must be drunk in one go. My record, if I remember, is 5 at 4 seconds apiece. I haven’t had one in quite awhile though so don’t expect me to repeat that one.

  2. Coverofnight says:

    Yes, the Hobnobber should have been mentioned. It was THE place to go to watch the Sonics’ NBA Championship Season. Many pitchers flowed during that season….will have to do it again for their next championship run (yes, I believe they will be back soon).

  3. TMS says:

    The Weekly has never had a clue about anything outside of city limits. I should want to live in the city with no yard, no parking, and an amateur for mayor? It doesn’t seem to matter who works there; people at The Weekly develop an infantile smugness that speaks only of a very, very narrow worldview. Burien will still be around when The Weekly is a dust mote on the pages of history.

  4. Lisa B. says:

    Love the graphic, esp. the square headed dog. I forgot all about the Hobnobber until I drove by at 8:30 this morning on my way to work and saw people standing outside waiting for it to open. The ‘Irish Car Bomb’ sounds intriguing.

  5. jimmy p says:

    the seattle weekly and the stanger are great news paper for reading when your on the can you get what you pay for witch is nothing

  6. B-TownMonkey says:

    You’re kidding, right?

    This is a joke, right?

  7. TcB says:

    After reading the actual article from the Seattle Weak ly, and realizing that the writer read the strange mention of the caterpillars from our poorly maintained Wikipedia entry I realized that maybe they’ve got something here! Maybe Burien should adopt the caterpillar as a mascot! Really, I mean how cool is that! ok, not cool, but Burien is not cool, remember? Vote Caterpillar for Burien mascot!

  8. Christine says:

    The article seemed quite positive to me. It makes Burien out to be the cool suburb West Seattle residents go to on the weekends to avoid going into Seattle. I have no problem if Burien becomes known as West Seattle’s suburb full of great restaurants and a downtown full of neat independent shops.

    Maybe you have to read the West Seattle article first in the same magazine to feel this way but I was actually quite flattered by the Burien piece.

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