Seattle Weekly Mocks Burien’s History, Calls Us The ‘Ultimate Suburb’
This week The Seattle Weekly is devoting an entire issue to West Seattle, with a small portion focusing on Burien, the history of which they mock, then call the “Ultimate Suburb.”
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Some might look at this and laugh that B-Town is being treated like some sort of ugly red-headed stepchild of West Seattle, but shhhhh…don’t complain, don’t raise a stink! Otherwise you’ll ruin our little secret!]
Mentioned in the article (written by “a longtime freelance contributor” who uses the pseudonym “The Surly Gourmand” – hey, what are you Weekly staffers hiding from anyways?) are historical facts like our founding father’s funny name (Gottlieb Von Boorian, who perhaps should’ve used a pseudonym) and the possibly-mythological tale of the Toonerville Trolley’s derailing due to an overflow of caterpillar guts (hey Highline Historical Society – is this one true or false?).
Tribute is paid to local food outlets like Trader Joe’s, Tortas Locas, Taqueria La Estacion, Hey Paison, Paul’s Da Burger Joint, B-Town Burgers, Australian Pie Company, Yo’s Bistro and Smokey’s Char-Broiled.
Also mentioned are drinking establishments like Elmer’s Pub, The Tin Room, Elliott Bay Brewery and Mick Kelly’s (what, no Hobnobber?!!) .
Some quotes worth noting include:
- “For such a small city, Burien’s variety of cuisine is amazing.”
- “The crown jewel in Burien’s empire, though, is its skate park.”
- “Burien is a great town. The core area along 152nd Street is as charming as a ladybug that knits sweaters, and it’s five minutes from the airport. Interesting restaurants are cheap, tasty, and abundant, and there’s a gigantic new downtown library.”
They’ve also done a pretty groovy graphic that depicts Burien (created by another anonymous staffer called “Stubborn Sideburn“), which we can see already as a t-shirt being sold at the Strawberry Festival next to the I <3 Burien ones:
Surprisingly, no mention (or easy mocking) is made of Burien’s troubled Town Square, which sits empty, lonely as a tumbleweed in the tundra, an easy target for cynical, comedic treatment which we’ll surely focus on during our next April Fool’s issue.
This same Writer also paid homage to Elmer’s Pub in an earlier issue here, worth a read if only to find new appreciation for this classic dive (which is seemingly always decorated for Halloween) and its clever, stiff drinks, most notably the “Irish Car Bomb” which we have yet to try.
Read the entire story here.