FILL-IN FRIDAY: Meet Our New Columnist, ‘Missed Congeniality’


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[EDITOR’S NOTE: Since Dave Markwell has thrown his hat into the ring to run for Des Moines City Council, “Feel Good Friday,” his regular weekly column, has been put on hiatus. In its place, we’d like to introduce a new column written by Des Moines resident “Missed Congeniality“;]

by Missed Congeniality

This week marks Passover. Today is both Good Friday as well as Earth Day. Sunday is Easter. This is a time when mankind will honor in various ways; The Earth, the Creator, and Salvation. As a result of the spiritual observations of faith, rites and customs, I have chosen to honor that which means so much to me: Peeps. Yes. Seriously, Peeps.

As far back as I can remember, and much to my mother’s dismay, I have loved those sugar-coated marshmallow confections. For me, the first signs of Spring are always the sightings of cellophane wrapped trays holding brightly colored chicks and bunnies begging to be stuffed into my mouth. Yes, they beg. And I am all too happy to oblige…the thought of which makes my mother retch.

When I was I small child, it was necessary for her to purchase those little packages of nasty goodness two at a time. The first package served to lure me from the store back to the car, and the second package was to appease me on the trip home. Once home, I would fall sugar crusted face first into a crystalline coma, giving my mom a much needed break.

My Easter dresses were neon testaments to the need for napkins and wet-wipes. As much as she was disgusted by them, mom embraced Peeps because of the peace that accompanied them. If my mouth was stuffed full of crunchy marshmallow goo, then I was unable to talk. Or whine. Or complain. Yes, Peeps were a very necessary evil for her.

As I grew, I discovered some disturbing things about Peeps. The first thing being that not everyone likes them. My mom was not alone in her revulsion, and there is no middle of the Peep road. You either like them or you don’t. Love ‘em or hate ‘em.

The subject alone triggers some pretty passionate and heated discussions. My mother is staunch in her belief that they will readily survive a nuclear apocalypse. The giant mushroom cloud will be followed by sparkly phosphorescence…and if you’ve ever put a Peep in the microwave, you can guess what it will look like.

Current research on Peeps is that they are not soluble in: water, acetone, sulfuric acid or sodium hydroxide. Yet, none of this information will deter me from eating them. Peeps are tasty, Peeps are good.

It’s reasonable to say that I’m a Peep-ophile. I love them, and thanks to a wonderful support group, I have discovered new ways to enjoy them. Just a few ideas:

  • Float one in a cup of hot chocolate.
  • Melt one between two graham crackers with half a chocolate bar.
  • Roasted over a campfire (Caution: the sugar may overheat or ignite posing an extreme burn hazard).
  • A Peep-tini. Yes, someone decided to buoy one in a Martini. (Probably not for the squeamish) Truthfully, I’ve never tried this one, and likely never will.

Peep-ophiles are hard-core Peep-lovers. Their devotion knows no bounds or limitation. But just as they love the candy treat, there are others who are at the other end of the equation. The common response from the Peep-haters is “Blech.” Again, nothing middle of the road there.

In total, approximately 600 million Peeps are consumed every year, so I would hazard a guess that they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. So the best we can hope for is some kind of “PeepsAccord” Maybe the UN has some kind of PeepsKeeping Security Council? All I am saying, is give Peeps a chance…

Missed Congeniality is a bunny slipper wearing, coffee swilling, social simpleton who lacks the ability to keep her spastic thoughts contained. Kind-hearted and quirky, she is seldom at a loss for being able to see the humor in life’s every day activities. Life is never boring with her around. You can find her on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.

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