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Local Businessperson Purportedly to Annex West Seattle


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(EDITOR’S NOTE: After being “away” for 10 months on a suspicious Paddleboarding tour, Matt Parker has returned to Burien. We have been told by an anonymous source that Parker’s trip may have altered his personality…)

In a series of bids officially placed to the City of Seattle before the end of 2012, Matt Parker, a local real estate broker at Keller Williams Real Estate and founder at CrossFit Burien, attempted first to buy, then to “annex” West Seattle into Burien with a group of associates.

Yes you read that right – West Seattle into Burien.

The moves were discovered when an undisclosed individual from the permit department at King County saw the second bid – the annexation bid – considered it a hoax, and attempted to destroy the bid package. Upon further review, the detailed package included marketing details for “The Largest Waterfront City This Side of Chicago.”

“It’s a little frustrating that the (marketing) materials were made easily public, but the cat had to get out of the bag eventually,” Parker told us. “I am unwilling to talk about the details more as they pertain to private plans for my customers, but will be happy to share with the media as it becomes appropriate.”

According to Parker, the bid had taken some time to prepare, almost a year, with his associates and it was important to submit it in 2012. There is a 150-year old common property loophole in Washington State governance which expired December 31, 2012. Apparently, it supports the realignment of city boundaries in the case of budget shortfall.

“I consider Parker a great friend and consummate professional,” Dustin Keeth at Windermere Real Estate told us. “As far as this bid goes, however, I would check how much saltwater he ingested during his summer surfing first. This one came out of left field.”

More to come in a story that confuses even us…but to learn more, contact Matt here:

Matt Parker, Realtor
206-226-8323

MattParkerGlutenFree

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Comments

10 Responses to “Local Businessperson Purportedly to Annex West Seattle”
  1. Shari says:

    Yes, because the residents of Alki and North Admiral are so very interested in having “Burien” on their return address labels.

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    • Lisa B. says:

      ,,,and vice versa, indeed…

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    • TcB says:

      A common misconception is that Burien residents must use “Burien” as a city name on post. The post office prefers “Seattle” and will accept “Burien”. It doesn’t matter because the ZIP code with street address determines everything. This was one of the battle cries of the “Keep White Center independent until we can figure out how to annex to Seattle” crowd.

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      • TcB says:

        I forgot to add that I think this was an incredibly bizarre idea. I also was trying to figure out if this was an errant April Fools Day post

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      • Shari says:

        Yes, it was kind of meant as a metaphor for a general attitude, but I understand your point.

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  2. I seriously had to stop and ask myself if today was April Fool’s Day… either that or B-Town Blog has gone the way of The Onion. ;)

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  3. Chris says:

    As proclaimed on “Weekend Update” on SNL: “And now for the fake news…” lol…

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    • Shari says:

      The only thing I can say is that I will go to my grave proclaiming that this “story” did not say SPONSORED POST on it at first!!! (eyeroll). Also the last few days have been another one of those stretches where I have a bunch of those conversations that are becoming tiresomely frequent (random person: Where do you live? me: Burien. random person: EWWW! or oooOOOOhhhh…. wow. or Whyyyyyy? etc etc etc). Well played, Matt, Scott. And maybe you both should watch your own backs on April 1. (grin)

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  4. Johnny Utah says:

    “The Largest Waterfront City This Side of Chicago.”

    I can’t wait to have this! I hope they/he put(s) up an artificial reef with a wave machine. West Seattle soon to be Burien will actually be worth driving to.

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