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Realtor Matt Parker Proposes First-Ever Municipal Moat – Right Here in Burien


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In other news, Matt Parker, a local real estate broker, is circulating a petition to create the first-ever municipal moat in America – right here on SW 152nd Street in Burien.

Moats were used, of course, in medieval architecture to protect castles from intrusion. This one, Parker tells us, wouldn’t be built to keep people out; instead it would keep them in.

“You’ve got these awesome storefronts along 152nd that are already exciting and inviting to patrons of all sorts.  I am saying we take out the cars, lose the asphalt, and run a killer ‘lazy river’ style waterway from the Tin Room to Elliot Bay Brewery. You can’t tell me potential Burien Town Square owners wouldn’t love a meandering waterway to their favorite restaurant or gym (CrossFit).”

The moat, which has been engineered and exhibited on the first page of the petition, would be regulated to comfortable temperature year round; up to 98 degrees in the winter and 70 degrees in the summer.  It would run slightly downhill to the east – in an arc that cuts through Burien Town Square and City Hall – so you could inner tube the course it you wanted to.

Based on the approved architectural renderings, the moat will displace several Burien businesses – including the main Post Office – which are being given first rights to create floating storefronts at their current locations.

“You would never get a parking ticket again. SW 152nd would become a year-round social hub and a national treasure of a small town. Mt. Rushmore would have nothing on Burien, WA.”

The B-Town Blog thinks Parker, well known for his standup paddle adventures, has selfish goals in mind. Namely, he could paddle from his residence in Olde Burien to his gym then to his office. We asked him what would happen if he dropped important paperwork in the water:

“Mermaids. Mermaid couriers to avoid that. They are real, I saw it on the Discovery Channel.”

Matt Parker
To learn more about Matt, visit his blog here: http://mattcparker.blogspot.com

Matt Parker, Realtor
206-226-8323
Voted 5 Star Agent 3 Consecutive Years
Seattle Magazine
“Best in client satisfaction”

MattParkerGlutenFree

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Comments

7 Responses to “Realtor Matt Parker Proposes First-Ever Municipal Moat – Right Here in Burien”
  1. Eaton B Verz says:

    Finally!!! An idea that makes sense. Also,let’s turn the Town Square condos into a Jail and hold public hangings in town square on Fridays. Put Mike Martin in charge of the beer garden! The possibilities are endless……..

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    • tophat topcat says:

      Finally something to do on Fridays in Burien and Martin would still have a job when he gets voted out! Great idea!!

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  2. Johnny Utah says:

    YES! First the water park now this!! MAKE IT ALL HAPPEN!

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  3. Lee Moyer says:

    We could drain Lake Burien to get water for the moat. Then pave Lake Burien to make a skate board park. Keeping in tradition it would be paid for by the public but for the exclusive use of those who live on the park..

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  4. Jullie Dow says:

    Matt, where were you when we needed you?

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  5. Dustin says:

    That water temperature sounds perfect to me.

    Finally Matt has an idea that I can support.

    Dustin Keeth
    Not Gluten free

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  6. Samantha says:

    Is Matt Parker really this bored??!!

    Sounds like he should be selling MORE real estate or perphaps some more paddling?!!

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