BREAKING: Burien Buying Surplus Fleet of Surveillance Drones from Seattle Police
by April Foo
Special to The B-Town Blob
The City of Burien announced Monday (April 1) on its website that it has purchased the entire surplus fleet of surveillance drones from the Seattle Police Department – and will launch its own, always-aloft “crime fighting flight crew” to monitor the city’s inhabitants.
After much public outcry, the Seattle Police Department recently scrapped its plans for a fleet of 75 remote-controlled drones, all equipped with new high-tech, high-resolution, x-ray vision cameras that can see through residents’ clothing as well as read their minds.
Seventeen of the high-tech aircraft are also armed with laser-guided Nerf missiles capable of destroying a double-wide trailer from 12 miles away.
“Having drones in the air above Burien will not only help lower crime,” said Rob Ott, the city’s new High Technologist. “It will be really cool! These things are really fun to fly – check out how I can make it hover right outside the ladies’ bathroom at the Highline Athletic Club!”
Ott, currently working for the city while on probation for “technology-assisted voyeurism” charges in California, will control and monitor the drones from a secret sub-basement of the City Hall building at 400 SW 152nd Street. His co-worker, Peep-Ng Thom, an Intern from Big Picture High School, demonstrated his expert drone flying skills recently in this exclusive video for The B-Town Blob:
The first drones are expected to take off and monitor tonight’s ‘UFO Crash and Flash Mob‘ event at 7 p.m., and will stay aloft and over various hotspots of the city around-the-clock.
The city is also apparently seeking volunteer pilots to fly the drones.