BREAKING: Burien Buying Surplus Fleet of Surveillance Drones from Seattle Police

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by April Foo
Special to The B-Town Blob

The City of Burien announced Monday (April 1) on its website that it has purchased the entire surplus fleet of surveillance drones from the Seattle Police Department – and will launch its own, always-aloft “crime fighting flight crew” to monitor the city’s inhabitants.

After much public outcry, the Seattle Police Department recently scrapped its plans for a fleet of 75 remote-controlled drones, all equipped with new high-tech, high-resolution, x-ray vision cameras that can see through residents’ clothing as well as read their minds.

Seventeen of the high-tech aircraft are also armed with laser-guided Nerf missiles capable of destroying a double-wide trailer from 12 miles away.

“Having drones in the air above Burien will not only help lower crime,” said Rob Ott, the city’s new High Technologist. “It will be really cool! These things are really fun to fly – check out how I can make it hover right outside the ladies’ bathroom at the Highline Athletic Club!”

Ott, currently working for the city while on probation for “technology-assisted voyeurism” charges in California, will control and monitor the drones from a secret sub-basement of the City Hall building at 400 SW 152nd Street. His co-worker, Peep-Ng Thom, an Intern from Big Picture High School, demonstrated his expert drone flying skills recently in this exclusive video for The B-Town Blob:

The first drones are expected to take off and monitor tonight’s ‘UFO Crash and Flash Mob‘ event at 7 p.m., and will stay aloft and over various hotspots of the city around-the-clock.

The city is also apparently seeking volunteer pilots to fly the drones.

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14 Responses to “BREAKING: Burien Buying Surplus Fleet of Surveillance Drones from Seattle Police”
  1. BTBreader says:

    I would like to volunteer to be a pilot. I’ve been practicing drone aviation on my Xbox.

  2. Fay says:

    Obviously this new surveillance operation is part of the conspiracy run by the friends and family of the Wallace family.

    For proof, just steal any Burien City Councilmembers iPhone and look at their Contact or Recent Call list.

    When will you residents wake up?

  3. Greatnews says:

    Great joke. Even if they did buy them they would be as useful as the cameras at the Burien Skate park. Lets waist more money for things that never get used.

  4. LoverofKnights says:

    Don’t let this drone invasion distract you folks. While you’re all looking up (NOTE: I never look up, as I’m always scouring the ground for old gum), the cityfolk will be picking your pockets by increasing taxes on you!

    Drone Tax anyone?

    I wonder where Joey Moretaxes stands on this one. Huh Joey? How come you haven’t chimed in yet? Oh yeah, unlike us fervent Commenters you actually have a job!

    Anyways, this is clearly Obamaism gone wrong and I look forward to the day the Burien Cabal gets its just rewards for authorizing this madness.


    • Joey Moretaxes says:

      I’ve got a 30-second break at work so I thought I’d chime in to defend myself.

      First off, LoverofKnights, I will be totally honest and upfront that I fully support the use of drone technology to monitor this city’s fine inhabitants.

      When I first learned about this project though, I objected to its highly intrusive, illegal use of unauthorized surveillance of innocent people.

      But after speaking with some elder, local statesmen and a certain, unnamed City Manager, all of whom offered to “donate” to my upcoming campaign, I quickly changed my mind!

      And now, I am proud to say that I support drones for the wonderful City of Burien. I hate to “drone on” about it but have you ever flown one of these things! Two words: Awe. Some.

      This is the kind of innovative, forward-thinking leadership that truly makes Burien ‘”Innovative Stewards of Pubic Trust.”

      • Jack Mayne says:

        Testing in Austrailia for CARES purchase.
        An environment group is about to become the first in Australia to deploy surveillance drones to hunt for evidence of animal abuse on private property.
        Animal Liberation will operate a drone, equipped with a powerful camera to gather evidence of abuse.

  5. TbC says:

    Well, I’m not sure if it is good or bad to have drones in Burien. (Must be good though, my boss calls me a drone) I think that we should all work together to make sure that they are good drones should we get drones. The problem I see is that there are no drones registered to vote! I did find a drone ( A rich one at that) registered in California! How dare it monitor the citizens! IT CAN”T VOTE. Oooops, sorry about the caps. Meant to bold/underline. I also know that it is an old drone. I heard a radio transmission in my tin foil hat calling it “Gramps” I know all the towns secrets!!! BWAHAHAHA I’m gonna post them on the blog. Wait , I’m not making a lot of sense….rambling on…..MK Ultra, MK Ultra, Mk Ultra……………

    • TcB says:

      Ok everybody time to come clean.

      I am actually TcB and TbC!

      I’ve been building up to this reveal on April Fools Day for over a month when I introduced my doppelgänger TbC

      You were all fooled though weren’t you!


  6. jon says:

    Does anyone remember what today is? Happy April fools day!

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